Anxiety
Is your anxiety trying to tell you something?
There is no doubt that anxiety can be intense, overwhelming, frightening, and difficult to live with.
It can feel like an enemy because it often shows up uninvited, disrupts your life, creates inner conflict, and can feel relentless. When we experience it this way, it seems like something to fight or escape from rather than a signal or part of ourselves.
It’s common to come to counselling hoping that your therapist will provide you with tools to “get rid of” your anxiety. I have heard it many times when I ask a client in an initial consultation what their hopes are for therapy, and they reply that they hate their anxiety and want it to disappear as quickly as possible. That’s a completely natural desire, as it can feel exhausting, and even unbearable, so it’s understandable to hope for relief or “cure.”
By the time you come to therapy, you have likely been trying to cope for quite a long time, and it makes complete sense that you would want some relief from the intolerable symptoms you are experiencing.
What anxiety can feel like
It can feel different for everyone, but there are some common emotional, physical, and mental experiences that many people share.
Emotionally:
- A sense of dread, unease, or something “bad” about to happen.
- Feeling nervous or on edge without a clear reason.
- Irritability or restlessness, where you might feel like you can’t relax or sit still.
Physically:
- A racing heart or heart palpitations.
- Tightness in your chest or difficulty breathing deeply.
- Stomach problems, nausea, or butterflies.
- Sweating, shaking, or feeling dizzy or lightheaded.
- Muscle tension, headaches, or fatigue.
Mentally:
- Racing thoughts that are hard to slow down.
- Overthinking or worrying about things that might never happen.
- Difficulty concentrating or remembering things.
- Feeling detached from yourself or your surroundings (sometimes described as “floating” or “not real”).
In milder forms, anxiety can feel like a constant low-level tension, a hum of worry that follows you around. In more intense moments (like panic attacks), it can feel overwhelming, like you’re losing control or can’t breathe.
We often think of anxiety as something that’s gone wrong.
But what if anxiety isn’t a malfunction at all?
What if it’s a message to be listened to?”
Dr. Russ Harris, a psychologist and author of The Happiness Trap (2022), explains:
“Think of anxiety as a warning light on the dashboard of your car. It tells you something important is happening beneath the surface, even if you don’t yet know what it is. If you simply cover up the warning light or remove the bulb, the underlying issue remains and may worsen over time. The same is true of our emotional lives. Trying to control, suppress, or eliminate anxiety without understanding it is a bit like taking the battery out of a smoke alarm: it might stop the noise, but it doesn’t keep you safe.”
Instead, explore what your anxiety might be pointing to: grief, fear, shame, unmet needs, inner conflict, or feelings that have never had permission to be fully felt. When we approach anxiety with curiosity rather than control, it often begins to soften.
So, anxiety isn’t the enemy after all?
What if there was a way to make it “less about making it go away” and more about changing your relationship to it and befriending it?
I believe that the more we tussle with anxiety, where we try to suppress, ignore, or beat it, the stronger it becomes.
In the counselling room, we create a safe space to work together and gently ease the distress that anxiety can bring.
Clients often leave feeling lighter, more understood, and more equipped to manage their anxiety.
An effective self-help approach is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Below is a video that gives you an introduction.
Passengers On A Bus - an Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) Metaphor
If you would like support with the topic discussed, feel free to reach out to Claire or myself to see if we can offer any help.
Mel Crawford